I'm Drawing a Blank

February 4^th, 2012

After a night in Vientiane, I was ready to move on to my next city, Vang Vieng. I heard this city has a bad reputation for drawing backpackers into a whirlwind of party rocking, lazy living, alcohol drowning, Hepatitis A infecting cesspool of wild adventures and dangers. And it’s hard for visitors to leave. On top of all that, it is completely dripped dry of Lao culture. Usually when traveling to another country, I want to take in as much of the culture as possible. I want to learn the language, indulge in the food, get to know the locals and history, and, of course, visit all the tourist sites. So upon hearing about this city, I knew I didn’t want to be here long. But I wanted to see what the hype was all about. I had no idea I what I was getting myself into.

Vang Vieng. It is a small town acknowledged for its beautiful limestone cliffs and captivating twisting rivers. Well, Vang Vieng used to be known more for its landscape. But now it has been overrun by backpackers and tourists, who come here for tubing along the river, cheap whiskey buckets and shots, and popular TV sitcom marathons. Sounds strange for a city in a distant and exotic country in Asia, right? The country exudes lethargy, particularly in Vang Vieng. This lack of activity can be seen during most of the day since you don’t see too many people walking around or partaking in any form of physical or mental activity. If you do see any signs of life in the daytime, it is usually people resting at a restaurant watching several episodes of Friends or Family Guy or rehydrating themselves, in attempts to nurse the hangover from the night before. It is at night or by the river when people come alive.

Laos is known for having some of the worst bus and road systems out there. If they tell you it will only take two hours, it most definitely will not. My bus ride was a long five hour drive on unpaved and rubble-layered streets. I was exhausted since my hostel closed early for the night so I attempted to sleep on the bus ride up. Not the best idea though. I think by the end of the ride we had a couple of victims already. Passengers were drenched in sweat from the lack of AC or the immovable windows, bruised from windowpane repetitively knocking into their heads, or felt so nauseous that the bus had to take several pit stops probably in fear that they would actually have to wipe down the stained and filthy bus. No one really had a good time getting to Vang Vieng. We all looked atrocious by the end of it all. But I’m sure everyone perhaps felt consoled by the prospect of whiskey buckets and relaxing down the river.

When finally arriving at Vang Vieng, I was already off to a bad start. My skull already developed some good bruises and my pants were soaked in sweat. Oddly enough, the wet spots were situated in the crotchal regions. I walked around the small town for a bit, finding the best and most discreet ways to cover my wet crotch. The town was very true to its reputation: a glut of backpackers, the Friends episodes showing at every restaurant, and an overall lack of noise or activity produced by the town. But when moving away from the inner part of town, you can see the reason why some people consider Laos their favorite country to visit. The landscape was quite impressive; the cliffs and rivers were true to form. Even this one town has so much to visually offer. After some exploration, I found Sarah. We then got to our adorable little bungalow near the river. Later, we found our way to a hammock bar and had my first try of Tiger whiskey in a bucket.

Whiskey Bucket. Drinking from a bucket. Sound excessive. Well, it isn’t the biggest of all buckets but it’s enough to help you get to a happy place, or whatever place you choose. It is actually quite practical and delicious for how shoddy it sounds. When you order a whiskey bucket, you will usually get your choice of whiskey, a mixer, and Red Bull. Tiger whiskey is the cheap and most popular whiskey they have in Laos. And they give you a good amount of the liquor too. It’s not a shot or two; it’s the whole bottle. These buckets are very popular since it is easy to share, easy to carry around on its handle, and sadly, easy to drug. Keep an eye on your bucket at all times.

February 5^th-6^th, 2012

It all started off so mild. A serene day of climbing cliffs in the wilderness led to a swirly haze of florescent colors, rave music, and booze.

Rock climbing. For the last couple of years, I have wanted to go rock climbing. Not the colorful rock type of climbing (though I hear that is still fun to do), but the real, non-manipulated rocks of nature kind of climb. It is kind of exciting scaling nature as it can be an unpredictable and hazardous act. It was always really difficult to get my friends and me to go. While trying to coordinate work schedules was a strain, we also had to consider the distance and finances that were involved in a climb. So when I found out that Vang Vieng was supposed to have some of the best and cheapest rock climbing, I was ecstatic. Not only am I going to go rock climbing but it will be on these gorgeous, earth tone painted rocks and cliffs in Laos.

I went through a company called Green Discovery who set me up with a half day course and climb. The ride over was fun as I met a great group of English teachers from an international school in Vientiane. They were enjoying their week-long vacation, traveling around to some of Laos’ more popular cities. Some of them were veteran rock climbers so it was nice to know that we all had some experts in our midst. I was excited to start climbing. I used to rock climb a bit when I was younger and I really enjoyed it. Before heading to the cliffs, the company set us up with some climbing gear. The shoes were interesting. They were tiny and contorted my toes into an uncomfortable position as I attempted to fit my feet into the shoes. I guess I don’t remember my feet hurting this much when I was younger. But no pain, no gain.

We arrived at the climb site after kayaking across a small river and learning to tie our figure eight knots. We were ready to go, ready to mount these bouldering cliffs. We were given many different climb sites all ranging from levels 5-8. I started with the lower leveled climb and then quickly worked my way up. I was successful with each climb except the last one, the top level climb. At this point, one of my feet was almost too sore to the touch. So with my throbbing foot and my weakened stamina, I did not finish my last climb. I’m definitely not in shape. Nevertheless, I was proud. I haven’t involved myself in physical activity since I hurt my back almost five months ago.

I did it!...at least most of the climbs.

The Infamous Tubing Experience. After renting a tube for the day, we were all stuffed into a small truck, eagerly awaiting our river adventure. We were driven a couple miles out of the main town to the Nam Song River. Then we were dropped off at the start of it all, the river bars. It was truly a surreal experience. As I crossed over the bridge to get to the first bar, I felt as if I were watching one of those drug stimulated movies. Imagine the film Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas but set in nature and with a more cheerier and bright aura. And I was completely sober of any substance when watching it all.

The tame section of the river

Bright yellow, pink, green, and purple bouncing blobs of people stood out from both sides of the river. Everyone was brightly fashioned and jumping and dancing all over the river bar stages. Many people can be seen leisurely tubing down the river with a bucket in their lap and their hands flailing to the music. Locals and the bar staff were throwing out ropes for passing tubers to pull them into their bars. Wooden bars, platforms, and tables lined the winding river for miles. But even with the distance, those colorful blobs bobbing up and down were just too distinct to not notice. You can also see people jumping from elevated stands or off a trapeze into the shallow river. We dropped off our tubes and entered the first bar. There was a young Australian girl who greeted us at the bar, tied a bracelet to our wrists, and handed us a shot of some type of whiskey. Then, we cheered (Dam Jook!) and then…

The next two days was a blur. To maintain whatever professionalism I still have left in this blog, I have chosen to limit the details in my writing. This also may be due to my loss of memory. I blame the bumpy bus ride—well at least partly. And here it goes:

• Shared a Tiger whiskey bucket or two.

• Learned and performed the notorious river dance on the bar stage—flash mob style.

• Drank whiskey soaked with a collection of pickled cobras, scorpions, and tarantulas.

• Got a spray paint tattoo—stars I think.

• Jumped off a rope swing several times in a row. It was addicting.

• Slid down a questionably stable and regulated water slide.

• Had to leave my sandals behind—once you start going down the river, there is no going back.

• Got rope burn from the locals who reeled me into the bars.

• Got covered in spray paint from my head, shoulders, knees, and toes, knees and toes—and then my clothes.

• Received free whiskey shots at every river bar—with every free shot you take, you get a bracelet to commemorate.

• Got a very provocative and misleading drawing of a bucket on my neck…with a permanent marker. Took a couple days to get off. I feared going back to school with this drawing still intact on my skin.

• Was offered crystal meth. I kindly rejected their offer and then was excited that I was offered such a hardcore drug for the first time.

• Stole the cans of spray paint and sprayed everyone that crossed my path.

• Drank a bucket with part whiskey, part urine-infested river water, and part GHB (just a guess).

• Used the rope swing constantly until I realized that my grip was starting to weaken.

• Learned about happy shakes. They are only 100,000 kips. Sounds expensive but it’s really only $13.

• Took care of someone who got date raped drugged.

• Spray painted everything and everyone everywhere.

• Saw a lot of travelers get pretty badly hurt on the river—drunkenness, rope swings, and high elevated stages above the river, not a good mix.

• Watched many people relieve themselves in the river, which probably ended up in our buckets later.

• Participated in fire limbo until I saw one girl nearly burn off her hair. I have back problems anyways. I shouldn’t be bending that way.

• Learned how to dance with fire from a local Lao fire dancer.

• Had to kayak upstream at night since it ran out of gas in the middle of the river. Finally, got to see some stars.

• Walked around without shoes for a couple of days. It was painful but I was hoping to develop the villager’s feet at some point on my trip.

• Ate delicious cheeseburgers almost twice a day during my visit.

• Used the river as my shower during my entire stay.

• Stole the tubes, which were stolen from us later.

• And so much more…

Here are some pictures my friend Andy took from the river:

My original idea was to spend one day in Vang Vieng and then head up to Luang Prabang for a couple days. Then I planned to head back to Vientiane to retrieve my passport and new visa and make my way back home. But just like so many others, I was stuck in Vang Vieng. During my stay, my excuses included: ‘Luang Prabang is too far’, ‘I heard the bus ride to Luang Prabang is terrible’, ‘I’m too tired’, ‘I haven’t watched Friends in a while’, ‘I still have a tube to use’, ‘I don’t want to waste a day riding on a bus’, ‘I want another cheeseburger’, ‘I’ve already made friends here’, ‘lethargy is too contagious’. I couldn’t seem to get out.

Warning. If you ever make your way up to Vang Vieng, be responsible and safe. Many travelers get injured and even die during this river experience. Although fun, alcohol and rocky waters aren’t always the best combination. They say that 220 people a year die on this river. Some have drowned, some have gotten lost at night, some have jumped off a rope swing and fallen into the shallow areas of the river, and some have just overdosed on alcohol (since it is so accessible and you can get most of it for free). Just last week, four people died on the river. Additionally, there is a great chance of getting drugged. With buckets and uncontrolled behavior and consciences, drugs can be dropped into your drinks. Watch your buckets, watch your shot glasses, and monitor your substance intake especially when performing acrobatic tricks on the river. It can be really scary.

On a less frightening note, another caution to be aware of is irregular bowel movements. Fortunately, I was able to avoid this unpleasant encounter. But it happens. Perhaps it is all the river water people ingest, whether it gets spilled into their buckets or is directly sprayed into their mouths as they are playing in the river. Many people come back from Laos with some type of stomach bug, Hepatitis A, or an illness that requires a trip to the hospital.

February 7^th-8^th, 2012

Bye Bye VV!

 

I finally left Vang Vieng. The bus ride back to Vientiane was even livelier than the last. Bumpy and uncomfortable as usual with the frequent stops for those who suddenly became sick. This time an additional stop was made at the hospital for a traveler who seemed to be overdosing on a drug. Maybe it was just the bumpy ride, I hope.

After arriving in town, I found the same cheap hostel I stayed in almost a week ago. This time I am coming home earlier to ensure that I make curfew. I placed my bags down and lied in bed for a bit, pondering the events from the last couple of days. I was in this troubled place as if Vang Vieng took away a part of my soul. Maybe it did. I felt regret. I didn’t visit any of the other cities in Laos. I spent most of my time in the one city that didn’t display a single ounce of Lao culture. Despite my desires to learn about Laos, I still don’t know anything about the country after a week of visiting. I know I’m just being a bit hard on myself but it’s not every day that I get to visit a country.

After some rest and reflection, the next morning I retrieved my brand new visa. Oh yes, I have my non-immigrant B visa. After months of already working and just two weeks left in school, I am finally legally allowed to work in Thailand. Was it worth it getting the visa? Well, I’m still not sure but I was able to go to Laos because of it. And it also gives me more time in the country to ponder my decision of staying or just travel around during my summer break.

By the way, I came back to Bangkok dirtier than ever. The clothes that I stuffed into my backpack were dirt crusted and spray painted and completely soaked in river water. I wasn’t much cleaner than my belongings as I only showered once the entire time I was in Laos. And boy does it feel good.

Want to see more pictures from my trip to Laos? Visit  https://plus.google.com/photos/103535186598541974109/albums/5719934722485582449?authkey=CLu84IXejr8S