October 20, 2011
This last month has been very hectic. I’ve had stressful moments in the past, but at least they were spread out over time. Within a month, I’ve encountered several situations that have disrupted my peace.
#1: A Break Up
After a year and a half of wild adventures, sneaking around our co-workers, and spontaneity (a concept very new to me), my boyfriend and I broke up. We actually met at my restaurant. Honestly, he was the last person I thought I would be with. He's impulsive, adventurous, and rarely says no to any opportunity. These are all great characteristics but they were ones I’m not used to. I usually think things through before indulging in any activity (as you can tell by my preparation for this trip). I do love adventure but I usually don’t seek the day to day, heart racing, ‘you only live once’ kind of thrill. I prefer traveling adventures. Surprisingly, he helped me get through my teaching program. Actually, I don’t know if I would have done so well or even stayed sane throughout it if it weren’t for him. He helped bring fun into my life as I was rigorously planning lessons, waking up at 5 every morning, and acquiring different strains of influenza from my students every other week.
But our many differences are what got the best of us. He was also moving to LA at the time (and I really don’t like LA). It was a tough break up. Unfortunately, when I get stressed or sad, I lose my appetite. And I have a rather large appetite. Many people at work consider me to be a garbage disposal for their leftover food (the employees’ leftovers not the customers’). With the break up and the stress of preparing for the trip, I wasn’t eating very well and I ended up losing weight off my already skin and bones. But after weeks of healing and improved eating habits, we are now on our own separate adventure and moving on with our lives. He is living the life as a New Yorker and progressing rapidly in his career. I’m taking a break from my life in the U.S. and traveling throughout Southeast Asia.
#2: Broken Back
I’ve played volleyball for about 13 years or so. It swallowed up most of my academic and social life when I was young and it still serves as a big part of my life now. It’s the only sport that I am actually good at and the only sport I feel comfortable enough to let people watch (sex does not count). Since being out of college, I joined a co-ed indoor volleyball adult league. It has less competitive play and less structure (no practices, no real warm up) than I’m used to but it is fun. The team is probably the most positive and friendly team I’ve encountered, making the experience much more enjoyable. We play every Wednesday night and do relatively well. It also depends if our good luck charm (Lacey or Lara) or our bad luck charm (Ricky) is there and what combination of the three is there at the same time—essentially Lacey and Lara can neutralize Ricky’s bad juju. Still appreciate your support, Ricky!
This team has gotten me into beach volleyball as well. I started playing beach for the first time this summer with my teammates, Guillermo and Lauren. They are both amazing players and they taught me everything I needed to know about beach. When Guillermo and I play doubles, he usually won’t let me be partners with anyone else, except for Lauren. I feel so loved!
Recently, Lauren asked me to play in a CBVA (California Beach Volleyball Association) tournament with her. We ended up doing very well in the tournament and surprisingly, I received my A ranking in beach volleyball. I was so excited! This ranking lasts for the rest of the current season and it will help me get placed in tournaments and be accepted into more competitive beach tournaments. But this high did not last for too long.
A couple days later, I was playing a double header with my indoor team. I went for a ball that was too far out of my reach. As the setter on my team, I ran towards the ball, threw my pelvis forward to try to set it backwards but the rest of my body stayed far behind. This may not make sense for those who do not play volleyball (or even for those who do play volleyball), but I essentially bent my back too far back. I fell on the ground and couldn’t get up. I had to drag myself off the court and ended up needing a lot of help out of the gym after the game finished.
I’ve had back problems in the past but it was never this bad. I’ve never felt this pain before. I had radiating pain down to my ankles and could not use my legs effectively. I could not straighten my back and I was walking as a right angle for the next couple of days. My super considerate friends pretended to walk like an old lady around me and even went as far as fixing their hands around an imaginary cane and folding their lips in over the teeth as if they didn’t have teeth. Classy, guys! In addition, they told other people about my old lady stature and so those few motioned the old lady walk immediately upon seeing me. Because of my inability to walk, I had to give a couple of my serving shifts away.
I thought that if I waited a while, the pain would just go away. But it just got worse. Especially since I was spending a lot on this trip, I really could not afford to go to the doctor’s, let alone get X-rays and an MRI (which have been recommended to me several times in the past). I was afraid that I would have to get surgery to fix my back. Definitely one thing I would not be able to afford. Instead, I tried my own at-home remedies such as stretching, not moving for long periods of time, sleeping with 5 pillows under my legs, and taking friends’ expired vicadin. Surprisingly, the vicadin did not work for the pain. Rather, it just made me jittery and loopy and I used it once at work to try to get through a 6 hours shift. Finally, I called my doctor and explained my situation. They wanted me to come in for a comprehensive exam and physical therapy treatment. But I didn’t have the time or money. Since I sounded so desperate for some type of momentary relief and the doctors knew that I didn’t have any previous issues with drug abuse (muah haha…so they thought!), they gave me a couple of shots to appease my pain off the record. The shots helped for the day, but it ended up coming right back.
The pain was getting to be so much and it was affecting me at work so I finally decided to get an MRI to find out what was really going on with my back. When filling out my application at an orthopedic doctor’s office, the receptionist asked for my driver’s license. As she scanned it carefully, she asked,” For billing purposes, is the address on your license your current address?” The address on my driver’s license was actually my parent’s home address. In pathetic desperation, I lied and maliciously said yes. I ended up having so much guilt about it, I ended up telling my mother about it.
Before setting up my MRI appointment, the doctor prescribed me some anti-inflammatory medicine and muscle relaxers. The combination of medication really helped with the pain and finally helped me sleep normally. A couple days later, I had my MRI appointment, at 7 in the morning! I figured I would be able to sleep during the scan since I would be lying down in the MRI machine for a long period of time. I even mentioned taking a nap to the doctor who helped me get into the machine. But he did not care to tell me that being in a MRI machine is like being in a constricting aluminum tube with someone banging on each side of the exterior with a metal rod every couple of seconds. After an agonizing 30 minutes of this orchestra of sounds, I finally got my results. It wasn’t good.
When looking at my scan, all my discs look white and healthy except for my L5 disc (the last disc in the spine). It was almost black in the scan and was considered dehydrated according to the doctor. Since there isn’t too much blood flow that goes through discs, once the disc is damaged, it becomes difficult for it to create healthy cells again. Upon seeing my scans, the doctor told me that I have a herniated disc (one that he recognized as an older injury) and a tear in the same disc (the injury from my volleyball game). He told me that the tear will heal (and will heal more properly with proper physical therapy and rest) but the herniation cannot be fixed. But as long as the herniation does not grow and compress my spinal cord enough to make me lose my bowels, I would not need surgery. In addition, he told me that I have a 10 week period of time to let it heal properly and I was required to rest for the duration of 5 months or more.
I am pretty sad because I cannot finish up the season with my indoor league and beach volleyball team. Furthermore, I won’t be able to use my new beach ranking anymore this season because of the injury. I guess it can seem like good timing since I won’t be playing too much volleyball while teaching in Thailand.
#3: Broken Computer
My computer died again! I have had my MacBook for 5 years and each year since the beginning, it has crashed and erased my entire hard drive. Five times! It has erased pictures, music, and important documents. Once, the day before my application for a university was due, my computer crashed and erased my application essay. I had to write the essay all over again within a 24 hour period. Last year, the computer’s power adapter died and after I went to the Apple store to replace it, I came back home and my computer battery died. I had to go back that same day to get another replacement. I haven’t had the best luck with this computer. But I have been more careful to back up my computer every month or so.
After finishing my teaching program, I backed up my computer. Good thing, since there were a lot of lessons and teaching material that I worked hard on during the last year. After the last back up, I created a lot of documents for my prospective teaching in Thailand. I downloaded multiple training materials from my program and constructed several lesson plans and projects that I needed for my training and teaching. I also created a Ruby instruction manual, so my parents would know how to take care of my dog for the next 7 months. Lastly, I wrote three blog posts in a separate Word document, those of which were almost completed. These were all erased, including the post that I am rewriting right now. I was pretty upset. I went over to the Apple store in hopes that they would be able to restore the contents of my computer.
When I got there, all the employees looked devastated. One employee kept on stating, “Oh man!” and “Oh my god!” in a very abrupt and abrasive tone. I finally asked one employee what was wrong. He informed me that their founder, Steve Jobs, just died of pancreatic cancer. I was sad about his death of course but then I made a bizarre connection. I was I’m probably making too light of the situation, but isn’t it odd that my Apple computer died the same day that Steve Jobs died? What if all Apple products just stopped working when their founder died? What a strange thought!
After finally getting help on my computer, I explained my whole debacle with my Apple computer. The employee was not interested in my story and told me that he is going to charge me 300 dollars to fix what might be wrong. I asked if he can recover any of my hard drive and he coldly told me that it would not be possible. I asked if he knows what might have happened and he again, without emotion, told me that he doesn’t know. I know that Steve Jobs just died but jeeze, he was rude! It didn’t even seem like he tried. I was pretty upset about the situation so I called my dad, who was even more upset. He told me to start causing a scene in the store and yell out, “Macs are inefficient. I’m going to get a Dell instead!” I thought this wouldn’t have done me any good so I took a seemingly more rational approach. I tried to reason with the guy and said:
"So if I were to spend 300 dollars today to fix my computer, there is a possibility it will break down a couple months down the line, right? There is a possibility that the 300 dollars I spend won’t actually do any good for my computer? Well, here is the thing. I need a computer. I need a working computer that can at least last the next couple months without breaking down. From what you are saying, it doesn’t seem like this computer will last. But I can’t afford another Mac since they tend to cost around 2,000 dollars. So what I can actually do is take the 300 dollars used to fix this time bomb of a machine and instead buy a PC computer for the same amount."
He answered yes to all my questions. So I calmly responded, “Thanks, that’s all I needed to know.”
I left the store, went to the car, and cried for a bit. I needed to bring a computer to Thailand for both training and teaching. Now I don’t have a working computer and I would have to buy another computer. Again, a computer is something I couldn’t afford at this time. With some research and help from a few people, I found a relatively cheap PC. I can’t believe I switched over. My family (especially my dad) is a huge advocate for Apple products and has been loyal customers since Apple first started. Because of this incident, I think we may be switching over to PC’s now.
#4: Being Broke
Business at my restaurant has been the slowest it has ever been since I’ve been working here. This is mainly due to the remodeling of our parking lot. The fall months are usually pretty slow already but without much of a parking lot, prospective customers are deterred from coming in. This construction process is supposed to take 20 weeks but it feels like it has been much longer. These 20 weeks basically have ruined my chances of making extra money for my trip before leaving this job.
As employees, we get a separate parking lot farther from the rest of the shops. So luckily, construction has not affected our parking situation. But it has affected people’s attitudes towards us. Tips have become progressively worse. People don’t want to tip as much when they are unhappy. I’ll admit, it could be my poor service but I don’t think I’m that bad at my job. Even if people do come in, they come in very frustrated and angry. We, servers don’t even stand a chance!
Customers complain about the parking all the time now. I am usually sympathetic and I complain with them. Sometimes, customers blame me (the server) for creating a hostile dining experience. I understand the frustration though. I once tried parking in this same lot to visit another store and it took me almost 40 minutes to find parking. I almost got into two accidents while searching for a spot as well. I ended up parking in a loading only spot and had to rush out of there in fear of getting towed. No wonder no one wants to come in anymore.
Many of my co-workers have been forced to get a second job. Many servers can only get one or two shifts a week. We used to make around 80-150 dollars in tips a night. Now, most servers are making 20-40 dollars a shift. My saving has gradually depleted since planning my trip and since the construction has started. I guess it’s been okay though. With work being so slow, we have actually been getting better reviews from the few customers that do come in happy. With less to do during work, we also have been able to take more breaks, eat feasts as we work, play games, and have deep, meaningful conversations with each other. I am fairly happy that I’ve been able to hang out and get to know my co-workers during these leisurely times, especially while getting paid hourly.
Overall, this was a pretty straining time for me. All these situations plus the energy used to plan this trip caused me so much stress this month that I missed my period entirely. I know, too much information. But telling you about my menstrual cycle is the necessary way to demonstrate the severity of my stress. I have never missed my period before. So of course, I worried. And because I worried, it most likely delayed it even more. But good news! I’m not pregnant or going through menopause or have some other bodily dysfunction! I ended up getting my period the next month. Getting my period was the best thing to happen to me this week, which is usually not the case for most girls. That's how bad this month has been!
I also ended up getting pretty sick which caused me to both deepen and lose most of my voice. Oddly enough, this served as a benefit for my specific Halloween costume. I usually don’t like getting dressed up for any event but Lacey told me that if I did anything for Halloween, it should be something to celebrate Thailand. She asked me,” What is popular or well-known in Thailand?” My eyes brighten up as I thought of the most spectacular costume idea: a Thai lady boy! Since preparing for Thailand, I have learned so much about the ladyboy or katoey—Thailand’s third gender. Ladyboys are men who believe that they were supposed to be born as a woman or just have a strong desire to be a woman. Some are in transition and some have already completed their gender reassignment. This transformation includes long hair, makeup, feminine clothing, changing their names to female names, and mainly changing their genitalia. They are very beautiful and many times their beauty and poise can outshine actual women. They are so stunning that there are even famous world competitions for these ladyboys. Boys, beware when going to Thailand. I heard it’s very hard to decipher.
They look like beautiful women, don't they? I'm trying to keep this blog somewhat classy, so I decided to not use my own ladyboy picture.
I have been in awe of this subculture and have demonstrated to others of my interest in meeting them at some point. So for Halloween, I am going to embody a ladyboy both in body and in spirit (as best as I can). I knew that my costume would possibly require some type of short and tight skirt, a corset, heels, and drag make-up—penciled in eyebrows, fake lashes, and lots and lots of blush and lip. But the most important part of the costume and what makes a ladyboy, a boy, is the male genitalia (which I do not have yet). To produce a more authentic ladyboy image, I thought about a couple of options like stuffing myself with a sock and possible reconstructive surgery. Then I decided that instead I was going to purchase a strap-on for the event (a bit cheaper than surgery). Oh yes, a strap-on. For those who don’t understand, a strap-on is a sex toy that people use to add some extra flavor in their sex lives (or to have a sex life). It usually consists of a dildo (color and size of your choice) and straps that wrap around your waist and upper thighs. The straps securely hold up the dildo in order for it to be in a somewhat erect position for your partner’s pleasure. With a tight skirt, my bulge will be easily detected. Though I was hesitant to buy the strap-on since I had no real use for it, it does serve as a good novelty item. I can scare off prospective boys and weed out the weak ones. This will prove as a true testament of their appeal to me.
After all said and done, my trip is still approaching and I'm excited for more stressful and memorable moments to come.
Man! What a month!
