Cheap Enough to Say, Phuket I’ll Go

December 2-4, 2011

Wish you were here

We are going to Phuket! After an exhausting and eventful week of experiencing Bangkok, we wanted to travel to the southern island getaway, Phuket. Phuket is a large tourist spot, known for its beautiful surrounding islands and insane night life. The Indian Ocean Earthquake and Tsunami of 2004 wiped away many buildings and lives on the island. But with time and effort, the Thai people have been able to revive the vacation hot spot to its original magical and entertaining appeal.

We booked our stay at the Backpacker Hostel in Patong Beach. It was a small and charming place with an English speaking staff. Rooms cost about 15 USD, which is quite expensive in Thailand. But the hostel was a block away from the beach, close enough for us to drunkenly stagger out of bed and sleep walk to the shore. Morgan, Megan, and I shared a dorm room. The boys shared a dorm room with a few other travelers. I’ll be honest. This is my first experience staying in a hostel. It was strange staying in a room in which other people can easily walk into and even nap on the bed you are to sleep in that night. It was strange leaving my bags in the rooms all day without it being secured by lock and key. I’m used to locking my bags and valuables in a private room. It isn’t recommended to bring anything valuable with you when staying at a hostel. This is unless it is the size of your passport and can fit in a small locker. 

We got here pretty late. It was already past midnight but none of us wanted to call it a night. We figured we didn’t have that much time in Phuket. So we explored the beaches and the streets, got drinks, and participated in some unusual activities.

Dunk the Katoey. I’ve been very excited to meet and talk to a lady boy or katoey. But to dunk one in a water tank, I didn’t expect that. I didn’t want to miss the opportunity. So for 100 ฿ ($3), I threw the softballs with all my might at the small and distant target. As motivation, the lady boy kept whipping her hair around in circles while making sexual moaning noises and yelps. I didn’t dunk her unfortunately. I was pretty disappointed. I think that game was rigged.

 After a crazy night drinking coconut juice from young coconuts, Morgan, Bobby, and I woke up to get to the beach early. It wasn’t much of a struggle for us though. It was an effort for the rest of our group who stayed out drinking the real stuff. Megan woke up with a blue tongue and an ‘I Love Boom Boom’ bracelet without the slightest idea how she got either. We later found Craig, unphased by the extreme night of drinking, strolling along the beach with a tiny speedo and a ‘Mad Dick’ bracelet. And Ben…well Ben is a mystery. We didn’t know where he went or if he even came home. But he is just one of those people who just show up right when you need him to. So we knew that he would come around.

It was an amazing feeling sitting on a beach, basking in the sun in December. Yes, December; wintertime for us Americans. Before the trip, I kept on bragging that I don’t usually burn that easily. I definitely stuffed my foot deep into mouth with this boastful comment. I burned a lot and all over. I started feeling the burn early on so I tried putting on a lot of SPF 30. Even while applying almost every ten minutes, I still burned pretty badly. I guess I’m not used to the Thai sun. It’s a lot stronger than what I’m used to. 

A Whole Lot of Sucking. It started to drizzle a little so we decided to get off the beach and explore the small town. We didn’t go too far since we found a fish spa. Fish spas are a progressively popular massage remedy in Asia. Hundreds of fish are placed into a tank in which you stick your feet in. They call it a fish massage since the fish are attracted to dead skin and will suck on your feet to remove it. For ten minutes and 200 ฿ ($6), we got our feet sucked on. As soon as you place your legs in this dirty water tank consisting of dead skin, fish defecation, and even lifeless fish, hundreds of tiny fish attack your skin. It’s a sucking that you’ve never felt before. The fish are sometimes called Doctor fish since they help people with skin disorders like eczema.  It is exfoliation to a whole other level.  I’ve never been into the whole foot fetish thing but I could get used to this. This practice is illegal in most U.S. states because of sanitary concerns. But Asia doesn’t seem to mind.

The Classiest Souvenir. Once finding out that some of our friends got these hilarious sex-related bracelets, I was envious. I wanted a slutty bracelet! I especially wanted something that had ‘Boom Boom’ on it. To clarify, the term ‘Boom Boom ‘is a rather adorable word for sex. And I found my slutty bracelet making man holding a container full of rows and rows of bracelets. Some of the phrases or words he had on these bracelets were ridiculous. Some were so shocking and offense, I don’t even want to repeat it. I got the ‘Free Boom Boom’ bracelet. Good advertisement, right? Then I saw exactly what I was looking for, a bracelet that said, “I ♥ Lady Boy’. I had to get it! My friends back at home would love this since they know all too well about my strange obsession with lady boys.

Western Influence. It was interesting to see this street at night time. It is a colorless, dull, and deserted street during the day but at night it fully transitions into the world’s craziest party. The street displays an extravagant show featuring beautiful, undressed girls, crooked vendors and entertainers,  striking lights and sounds, and drunken and obnoxious Westerners. It looked like a typical party street on the Western side of the world. Vegas comes to mind. But it’s even more extreme. But even some of the strippers and prostitutes appeared to look Caucasian. This isn’t a local’s hang out spot as the only locals that roam these streets are selling you slutty bracelets. The bars seemed identical to the bars back at home: loud Western music and go go dancers, beer bongs and keg stands, and the occasional person vomiting. In a way, this western and tourist influenced place kind of desensitized my experience encountering a new culture.

Ping-Pong Show. While walking down the main party street, you tend to hear this strange popping noise. This noise comes from men subtly advertising Ping-Pong shows, a well-known type of entertainment in Thailand’s party scene. A Ping-Pong show is a show in which women use their vaginal muscles to dabble with a Ping-Pong ball or other strange objects as entertainment. Think of the verbs: manipulate, suck, blow, crack, draw, bend, shoot, and blend. That is what these girls can do with their vaginas. They must be putting their kegel balls to good practice. Each show has a theme based on the object used and the viewer’s fantasy or desire.

The vendors had a menu full of these options. Strangely enough, some shows were themed, ‘knitting’, ‘banana’, ‘writing’, ‘balloon’, and ‘egg’. Things that you never would think a woman can do with her vagina. Every time I was approached by these men, they would ask, “Lesbian?” “You like lesbians?”  Then they would make a popping noise with their mouth, exemplifying the sound made from the ping pong shooting out of a woman’s labia. I was very interested in this type of show. I wanted to see the show solely based on “my research” and also because it seemed disturbing and entertaining at the same time. But I heard the shows and drinks are pretty expensive and I wanted to save my money for the island tours the next day. I will go one day. I’ll make sure of that. And then you all will hear all about it.

Island Hopping. We joined an all day tour of the islands the following day. For 1,000 ฿ ($30), the boat tour took us to a secluded beach, deep island caverns, the James Bond Island, and the floating village. A buffet lunch was also provided. Not too bad.

We first arrived on a secluded beach on a small, seemingly deserted island. It started to rain unfortunately but it was still very beautiful. The water was clear and temperate so it was easy to swim in. The view wasn’t bad either. Imagine clear, aqua tinted water stretching for miles surrounding a faint silhouette of small inhabited islands. It gives you the feeling that there isn’t anyone else out there in the world. It also makes you feel small and insignificant compared to the natural wonders of this world. It started to rain even more so we started heading back to the boat. Our short boat ride back to our main boat was entertaining though. Our boat director was quite the fashionista. Though he looked rugged, brawny, and soiled from working on the boat, his short shorts, belly t-shirt, and watermelon-sized breasts caused quite a reaction from all of us. I guess he managed to insert who knows what into his shirt. He kept on pointing to himself and exclaiming, “Look, lady boy! Same same but different.” 

Same Same But Different. This is a term used a lot in Thailand. Actually, it’s used a lot in Southeast Asia. In many of these Asian languages, in order to make an emphasis in your speech, you repeat a word twice. For example, I really like spicy food. In order to emphasize this while ordering I say ‘ped ma ma’. This literally means spicy very very.  In Thailand, you will hear the phrase ‘same same but different’ spoken in English. This will be said a lot when you are shopping especially. If you come across a counterfeit shop, you may ask, “Is this a real Rolex?” The vendor will usually respond with, “Same same…but different.” It’s the way of advertising their products without completely lying to your face. This coined phrase can actually be applied to almost any context now that it’s such a novelty term. One of my favorite uses is when the phrase describes a lady boy. A lady boy may have breasts ‘same-same’ as a woman but what makes the ‘different’ is the ever lingering penis. 

Cave Dwellers. We got into small kayaks and paddled around several caves or ‘hongs’ in the Phang Nga Bay. Exploring the limestone cliffs and beautiful lush covered caves was wonderful and peaceful. These hongs are actually very unique as the small cavity leads to an immense collapsed cave covered in a variety of trees and plants, completely exposed to the sky. It makes you want to stay there forever. Why did I even leave?

The Floating Village. Our next destination was a mysterious fisherman village called Koh Panyee. It is a tourist attraction by day but an actual community all day. They have grocery stores, barber shops, and even a school. Maybe I should teach there next? They even have a floating soccer or football field. They have stores that cater towards tourists but also their own community members. Its unique attraction since their village is floating in the middle of the bay. It isn’t actually floating but rather their homes are built on stilts and are conjoined together. 

We were only really allowed in the touristy part of the village. But Ben and I wanted to explore past the souvenir shops. Luckily, the village is built like maze so we couldn’t find out way out for a while. This allowed us to see more of the village and different parts of the village that most tourists don’t venture into. Unfortunately, the maze-like layout is only easily accessible to its residences. So we couldn’t find our way back to the main boat in time. After some terrible direction given by the villagers or maybe just our bad listening skills, we made it back to our boat. I was a bit flustered. I don’t like getting lost or missing deadlines. I’m just glad the boat didn’t take off without us.

For my soccer fanatic friends, imagine playing on this.

James Bond Island. This part of the world is known for having small, rocky, and pinnacle-shaped islands scattered throughout the clear ocean water. It is one of several things that make these countries a tropical escape for vacationers. Koh Tap-pu is one of the more famous landmarks of Thailand and Phuket. It was made famous when displayed in the James Bond movie The Man with the Golden Gun. Now, it is known as the James Bond Island (especially since Koh Tap-pu is more difficult for foreigners to pronounce). The well-known rock is found in an open pool area encircled by more islands. We had to go to an island close enough to get a good view of the James bond island with a serene backdrop of a lingering sunset. 

Thai Sunset. Exotic and mysteriously-shaped islands with the sunset background. Pictures really don’t do it justice. If places or views can be an aphrodisiac, this place would be it. Despite my detestation of romanticism, I do really like sunsets though. They are really nice and calming. It is amazing that nature can throw together this image so regularly with variation and without much effort. After the sun fell, we headed back to the main island. We cruised along the dark waters eating pineapples and staring off into the darkness of the empty limitless ocean.

What a short but exhausting trip. Everyone was so tired, we all took a long well needed nap on the airport floor and chairs before boarding our plane back home. Our entire trip costs under $200, including airfare. That was it! What a well-valued experience, right? In a little less than two days, we experienced Phuket’s night life, saw some Thai trannies and some beautiful islands, and enjoyed the long stretches of beach and the warmth of the tropical sun. Actually, it sounds rather relaxing. Oh, the perks of living in the southern hemisphere. Can’t wait to do it again!

Want to see more pictures from my trip to Phuket? Visit  https://plus.google.com/photos/103535186598541974109/albums/5696663447523613713?authkey=CKHc4_Tx0YKIYg