Maybe Teach, Maybe Not

December 20, 2011

My job is getting more trying as each day passes. I’ve actually remained rather calm throughout this but I can tell my inner fuse is getting shorter and shorter. Don’t worry though. I don’t usually get visibly angry or throw furniture around. I just cry. I cry a lot. And though I’ve remained rather dry, I’m expecting this messy outcome if this chaos continues.

Disorder. The school is incredibly unorganized. There isn’t an established system for school standards and there aren’t any substantial rules to enforce. And if there were, no one enforces them anyways. If the kids are late, it doesn’t matter. The Thai teachers and administration will even contribute excuses like “Oh, it’s okay. He is always late.” Really? Even for an exam? I have one student who has seemed to stop coming to class. I’m really hoping it’s not because I’ve steered her with my incessant and exhaustive flibber flabber or my own halfhearted attitude towards the topic of ‘food consumption of high value food items’. Boring, right?  I only have one student in that class now. They continue to tell me that she is coming, but she never does. If she doesn’t attend class, I can’t give her a passing score. As for the exams, she won’t do as well if she doesn’t do the work. I can’t feed her the answers for the test. But I have a feeling that this may be asked of me at some point. I continue to ask the Thai teachers about the students’ whereabouts. Without any real care in their voice, they just tell me that she is a lazy girl and I should not care about her and move on. 

This event perfectly describes my constant confusion with the school’s skewed system: 

This week, we were told we had a holiday on Thursday. Then, we were told that we had to come to school even though the students weren’t going to be here. Then we found out that the holiday was actually on a Wednesday. Then we were told that the holiday was actually on the Thursday but we also won’t have class on Wednesday. Next, we were told that we do have class on Wednesday but the kids might not show up. Then, we were told that Friday was a holiday as well. Then, we were informed that Friday is not a holiday but the kids might not come. Then we were told that all three days were a holiday and then immediately told that Thursday is our only day off. Confusing right? 

This obscure dialogue occurred over the period of two days. Two very confusing days. The quote from this week is, “maybe teach, maybe not” or “the kids may show, the kids may not” How does one plan or teach effectively with this endless sense of uncertainty. This disorganization is probably a reason why the schedule continues to change every day. Things are so hectic here that the synchronizing of classes is nearly impossible. Therefore, I will probably show up to school on a holiday.

Lack of Communication. If something important is happening, I seem to be the last to know. All the foreign teachers are the last to know. We are rarely informed if there is a change. There have been several instances in which we weren’t informed that a class wasn’t here today or that we have a holiday the next day. For example, I teach the 12^th graders four times a week. So I plan for each class and I don’t apathetically design my lesson plans. I am learning that we can’t rely on our schedules anymore. Actually, the best resource has become the students themselves. Too many times, have I had to ask my students if they are planning to show up to school on a certain day or if there is a holiday coming up. There is really no point in relying on the staff or administration to tell you anything. If they do, it will be right as it is happening or after the fact. Also, some of the teachers and administration I never can seem to find. Some of them don’t ever seem to be at school. 

Extending the School Day. Because of the floods, the government shut down many schools in Central Thailand. Though most schools were not affected by the floodwaters, the semester was still delayed three weeks. Now some schools have class on Saturday in order to make up for lost time in class. Our school does not have Saturday school fortunately. Whew! But a month after school had already began, the school decided to finally do something for the lost time. Luckily, they did not extend the school week. They extended the school day. The kids are going to be in school for ten hours now. They don’t have the attention spans for that. Not many people do. By the early afternoon, students will lose the capability to retain new information. And so will the teachers. Therefore, this required another schedule change yet again. 

Teaching Thai History. I have spent too many hours online researching Thailand’s history. Surprisingly, there isn’t much information about Thai history. It makes me wonder if Thailand censors their Internet more than I though. Teaching Thai history has made this job even more difficult that I could have imagined. I feel pretty incompetent teaching the subject. I’m mostly afraid that the students will figure out that I’m a fraud as a Thai history teacher. I feel like I’m writing a research paper as well. I am gathering as many resources as I can and trying so hard not to use Wikipedia. 

Every time I teach Thai history, I’m very sensitive to the students’ expressions and statements. Once I see or hear anything out of the ordinary, I clam up and retract my statement sometimes. It’s not good. I need to have more confidence. But it’s difficult. I had a dream the other night; a dream that relates to my real life concerns. I was a car mechanics teacher for a university—a topic I know nothing about. It was my first day of class and I was supposed to teach car mechanics theory. Is there even such a thing? Then, I was supposed to demonstrate how to take apart the car and put it back together. The students called me out and no one showed up for class anymore. Is this foreshadowing what might occur in the future?

Workload. I didn’t expect the amount of work I would be investing in each day. I mean, I didn’t expect it to be easy by all means. But all of my planning periods, lunch breaks, afterschool time, and night times have been dedicated to planning and researching. It doesn’t help when the school constantly changes the schedule since I have to continue scrapping plans or moving them around. I haven’t slept in a while. I’m exhausted all the time. I believe I’m good with history but I need to relearn a lot of this material and come up with fun activities to help students absorb it. And come on, history is difficult to make fun. I only found it interesting because I was nerdy in college. I wasn’t given too many resources either so most of my ideas are coming straight from my head or through rigorous research. This takes more time. Sleep takes a lot of time. And unfortunately we need sleep. 

My Daily Routine:

6am                       Stagger out of bed and to 7 eleven to get an ice café late.

7am                       Get a new schedule and complain about it.

8am-5pm             ‘maybe teach, maybe not teach’

5pm                       Quickly grab food from a street vendor on my way home.

5pm-2am             Study subject, research Thai history, maybe write on this blog, make lesson plans, shower    if there’s time…

It seems like there isn’t much time to actually explore the city or travel on the weekends. I was fortunate enough to not have to work on weekend but now I am; it is just working at home. I’m starting to get more upset. Why is this job taking up so much time? Why is this job so difficult? Why am I not enjoying my experience here? I went through a difficult teaching program and I’ve taught at a school before. It was definitely the most difficult thing I’ve done and is something I would never want to put myself through again. But I still had enjoyable moments. Is it because I am conflicted with the balance between traveling and working? Playing and working? Is it because I just got out of my program and feel entitled to a break? Is it because I just didn’t expect to work this hard? Is it because I don’t have any free time to travel, sleep, or even eat?

As of now, all I have to comfort me is milk tea. I just found a milk tea vendor set up next to my apartment. Oh no, this is going to be dangerous. I’ve have already started purchasing one or two drinks a day. I think I might be her most loyal customer. Even when I approach the stand, neither of us has to say a word. She just makes my drink and smiles. It is so good and its only 60 cents for one drink. I miss milk tea back in the States. I miss my fun experiences getting milk tea with friends or showing newbies what milk tea is all about. If someone can ship milk tea and IN-N-OUT Burger to my address that would be greatly appreciated.

Ramkhamhaeng Night Market. After a couple overwhelming days at work, Sarah and I needed to de-stress. We decided to explore our small town for a night. A night away from the books; it’s such a strange concept. Our little area is rather interesting. It’s at a disadvantage since it’s in Bangkok but my small town isn’t too bad. Despite the unruly traffic and murky, dirty air, the town is away from the touristy areas of Bangkok and is in an area in which locals and college students typically hang out. Additionally, there is barely any English used among the locals or English written signs, restaurant menus, or advertisements. This has required both of us to use the pointing gesture a lot more. 

There is an abundant amount of shopping and food everywhere as well. There are small bars and entertainment centers that exhibit a live band on the weekend. There are even several night markets along the busy streets. One of the biggest nightly markets on this is a large outdoor tented market, which is a large several acres of tented stalls serving a variety of street food, clothes, household items, and even miniature bunnies. It is always crowed but it’s a fun area to be around and explore. Most people get their food and bring it to a nearby park with small pond and a monument displaying a grand picture of the king.

 
It was so nice to be outside our apartment. Since starting the job, Sarah and I have had so much to study and catch up on we have been stuck inside—cussing up a storm, crying, and definitely not sleeping. We had a nice relaxing time playing with puppies, eating fried, greasy food, and shopping for other apartment items. I had such great food that night at such a low price. For a glass of coconut juice, bag of chicken wings, French fries, and mango sticky rice, it cost 100 ฿ or $3. It was amazing. Can you believe that cheap for several meals. I don’t know how I’m ever going to go back to the States and eat.Thailand's going to ruin eating for me for a long while.